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Advice for those of you who can't find a good gaming group
How to get a gaming group
It's very exciting to see all these different gamers from all over the world pop up on this new site. However, it is also draws my sympathy when I see people who don't have a gaming group. This essay is intended to help those of you who love gaming and don't have anyone to game with. I have four pieces of general advice, based on my own experiences and observations that I will share with you.
Be patient
Think about getting a gaming group the way you think about levelling up your character. Just as it takes time and experience to become a Grand Master of Flowers, it takes time and experience to find a kickass group of players whose schedule and tastes fit yours. I believe a lot of players looking for a group take an all or nothing stance, that they must find the perfect group right away. Clearly, it is rare that such a group is suddenly going to present itself to you out of the blue. Instead, think about it as a journey or a quest. Each play session you get a seat at, each group you play with adds to your XP and increases your contacts. So maybe you don't like the group, but the game they are playing is cool and maybe that game has other players in your town. Or maybe there was one other person in the group that seemed kind of cool and had a similar taste in games to your own that you could contact later. Or maybe the group was absolutely batshit crazy and now you know to totally avoid them (and you'll have stories to share with other future people in your town who also encountered that group). Don't expect immediate awesomeness. Rather, consider each participation as a step in a longer journey.
When I first moved to Montreal, I was really into GURPS. I found some other GURPS players in Montreal and met up with them. The campaign was fun, but after a year, I wanted something different than GURPS. I saw an interesting thread on rpg.net about violence in Unknown Armies. Turned out the author was from Montreal. I contacted him and he offered to run a one-shot for us. I eventually switched over to his group and have been playing with them ever since. But I also worked with my GURPS friends to help set up Draconis, our local con, and we will participate in each other's con games. This whole process took at least two years and is still evolving. The point is that it is helpful to look at your search for a good group as a process that is ongoing and takes time.
Be flexible
This piece of advice is a corrollary of the Be Patient advice. Maybe everyone in your town is only playing a system you aren't all that interested in. Or you can't find your favorite genre among any of the games in town. Or the local con only has games you've never heard of. By deciding ahead of time that you won't participate in certain games or settings, you close yourself off to potential opportunities. Maybe the system isn't your favorite, but the GM rocks and he is going to run something else in 6 months. I recognize that this can be a tough call. It's up to you to decide what is your breaking point. I know that after 4+ years of almost exclusively D&D 3.5, I could not play in another session even if Vin Diesel and Wil Wheaton were in the game (okay, well maybe I exaggerate slightly). I would however, strongly recommend that you jettison the requirement that you have to play a game you already know. I have been at min-cons where players sat by themselves after refusing an invitation to play in a game with which they weren't familiar. If you're having trouble finding a new group, opening up your range of options is a necessity.
Be consistently active
Local gaming scenes are dynamic. People come and go. Tastes change. Campaigns are born, flourish and die. In order to find the right group for yourself, you need to stay connected to the scene. Putting up an ad in a game store and leaving it there or putting up only a single post on a forum, sitting back and waiting for the invitations to flood in probably won't cut it. Gamers are easily distracted and wary. You need to put yourself out there regularily so that you get noticed. You also need to be able to express a bit who you are in order to gain trust. The more people know you, the more comfortable they will be inviting you to their game.
In Montreal, Midnight's Lair is the biggest online gaming community. We have a lot of people who love to run one-shots and are happy to welcome new gamers. When someone comes on the Lair and leaves a single post in the "Calling All Gamers" sub-forum with nothing more than "Hey I'm looking for a group", we try to be welcoming, but we aren't going to actively search them out the next time we are looking for players if they haven't been on the Lair for months. On the other hand, newcomers who introduce themselves (we have the tradition of welcoming all new people so they don't even have to start the thread), hang around, participate in some discussions and reveal a bit about what games they like, what experiences they have had and what kind of playstyle they prefer are for sure going to be invited into a game that the GM thinks they might enjoy.
This advice applies online and off. If you are lucky enough to have a decent game store where the employees like and know RPGs (rare, indeed, I know) and there are regular events there, go and hang out. Chat with the people working there. If you don't want to play in something right away, at least listen in (after a polite "may I?" nod to the GM, of course). Be present on the scene and people will become aware of you.
Be a little brave
As I said above, we are a wary lot. And we aren't known for our social graces, collectively. A lot of us are shy. Plus, there are real risks to sticking your neck out there. You could be trapped in four hours of railroad, mary-sue hell. But I shouldn't have to tell you--you who have donned the sword or the phaser and gone out into some other world--that there is no real reward without risk. If we want something good in life, we have to step out a bit from our comfort zone. So go for it. Go talk to that GM at the con whose game sounded right up your alley. Most of us are grateful for any kind of positive attention like that. Go join that forum. Talk to that dude skimming a supplement of a system you are interested in at your local LGS. I know it's scary! And I know that rejection hurts. But so does the flame of the dragon, but how will you get the treasure if you don't even go into the cave?
In general, you can see that my advice is asking you to push yourself a little bit. However, I would like to add that we as a community also need to push ourselves as well to make it easier for people who are looking for a group. Some gaming communities are active, welcoming and make it very easy for a newcomer to join in and play. Others are divided, insular and unwelcoming. I'll talk a little bit next time about strategies for local communities to encourage new players to participate.
I also recognize that the above advice is very general. In a future post, I'll talk about some very specific channels and strategies for finding the group for you in your town.
How about you? I'd love to hear how what techniques you have used to get a good group. I'm particularly interested in stories where you either found a good group or where things went really wrong in your search.
Until then, game on, people!
It's very exciting to see all these different gamers from all over the world pop up on this new site. However, it is also draws my sympathy when I see people who don't have a gaming group. This essay is intended to help those of you who love gaming and don't have anyone to game with. I have four pieces of general advice, based on my own experiences and observations that I will share with you.
Be patient
Think about getting a gaming group the way you think about levelling up your character. Just as it takes time and experience to become a Grand Master of Flowers, it takes time and experience to find a kickass group of players whose schedule and tastes fit yours. I believe a lot of players looking for a group take an all or nothing stance, that they must find the perfect group right away. Clearly, it is rare that such a group is suddenly going to present itself to you out of the blue. Instead, think about it as a journey or a quest. Each play session you get a seat at, each group you play with adds to your XP and increases your contacts. So maybe you don't like the group, but the game they are playing is cool and maybe that game has other players in your town. Or maybe there was one other person in the group that seemed kind of cool and had a similar taste in games to your own that you could contact later. Or maybe the group was absolutely batshit crazy and now you know to totally avoid them (and you'll have stories to share with other future people in your town who also encountered that group). Don't expect immediate awesomeness. Rather, consider each participation as a step in a longer journey.
When I first moved to Montreal, I was really into GURPS. I found some other GURPS players in Montreal and met up with them. The campaign was fun, but after a year, I wanted something different than GURPS. I saw an interesting thread on rpg.net about violence in Unknown Armies. Turned out the author was from Montreal. I contacted him and he offered to run a one-shot for us. I eventually switched over to his group and have been playing with them ever since. But I also worked with my GURPS friends to help set up Draconis, our local con, and we will participate in each other's con games. This whole process took at least two years and is still evolving. The point is that it is helpful to look at your search for a good group as a process that is ongoing and takes time.
Be flexible
This piece of advice is a corrollary of the Be Patient advice. Maybe everyone in your town is only playing a system you aren't all that interested in. Or you can't find your favorite genre among any of the games in town. Or the local con only has games you've never heard of. By deciding ahead of time that you won't participate in certain games or settings, you close yourself off to potential opportunities. Maybe the system isn't your favorite, but the GM rocks and he is going to run something else in 6 months. I recognize that this can be a tough call. It's up to you to decide what is your breaking point. I know that after 4+ years of almost exclusively D&D 3.5, I could not play in another session even if Vin Diesel and Wil Wheaton were in the game (okay, well maybe I exaggerate slightly). I would however, strongly recommend that you jettison the requirement that you have to play a game you already know. I have been at min-cons where players sat by themselves after refusing an invitation to play in a game with which they weren't familiar. If you're having trouble finding a new group, opening up your range of options is a necessity.
Be consistently active
Local gaming scenes are dynamic. People come and go. Tastes change. Campaigns are born, flourish and die. In order to find the right group for yourself, you need to stay connected to the scene. Putting up an ad in a game store and leaving it there or putting up only a single post on a forum, sitting back and waiting for the invitations to flood in probably won't cut it. Gamers are easily distracted and wary. You need to put yourself out there regularily so that you get noticed. You also need to be able to express a bit who you are in order to gain trust. The more people know you, the more comfortable they will be inviting you to their game.
In Montreal, Midnight's Lair is the biggest online gaming community. We have a lot of people who love to run one-shots and are happy to welcome new gamers. When someone comes on the Lair and leaves a single post in the "Calling All Gamers" sub-forum with nothing more than "Hey I'm looking for a group", we try to be welcoming, but we aren't going to actively search them out the next time we are looking for players if they haven't been on the Lair for months. On the other hand, newcomers who introduce themselves (we have the tradition of welcoming all new people so they don't even have to start the thread), hang around, participate in some discussions and reveal a bit about what games they like, what experiences they have had and what kind of playstyle they prefer are for sure going to be invited into a game that the GM thinks they might enjoy.
This advice applies online and off. If you are lucky enough to have a decent game store where the employees like and know RPGs (rare, indeed, I know) and there are regular events there, go and hang out. Chat with the people working there. If you don't want to play in something right away, at least listen in (after a polite "may I?" nod to the GM, of course). Be present on the scene and people will become aware of you.
Be a little brave
As I said above, we are a wary lot. And we aren't known for our social graces, collectively. A lot of us are shy. Plus, there are real risks to sticking your neck out there. You could be trapped in four hours of railroad, mary-sue hell. But I shouldn't have to tell you--you who have donned the sword or the phaser and gone out into some other world--that there is no real reward without risk. If we want something good in life, we have to step out a bit from our comfort zone. So go for it. Go talk to that GM at the con whose game sounded right up your alley. Most of us are grateful for any kind of positive attention like that. Go join that forum. Talk to that dude skimming a supplement of a system you are interested in at your local LGS. I know it's scary! And I know that rejection hurts. But so does the flame of the dragon, but how will you get the treasure if you don't even go into the cave?
In general, you can see that my advice is asking you to push yourself a little bit. However, I would like to add that we as a community also need to push ourselves as well to make it easier for people who are looking for a group. Some gaming communities are active, welcoming and make it very easy for a newcomer to join in and play. Others are divided, insular and unwelcoming. I'll talk a little bit next time about strategies for local communities to encourage new players to participate.
I also recognize that the above advice is very general. In a future post, I'll talk about some very specific channels and strategies for finding the group for you in your town.
How about you? I'd love to hear how what techniques you have used to get a good group. I'm particularly interested in stories where you either found a good group or where things went really wrong in your search.
Until then, game on, people!
9 Comments
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Comment by WalkerP on October 27, 2009 at 12:00pm - Those are excellent suggestions, Jason. I was focusing my post more for people who feel there is nothing going on around them, because I find that it's like overturning rocks on the beach. It may seem like there is no gaming going on in your area, but if you look and are patient and persistent and stick your neck out, you'll start to see a lot of life crawling around under there. But yes, it helps a lot to be a polite, presentable, interesting person as well.
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Comment by T. A. Holaday on October 27, 2009 at 5:04pm - I have some experience (as you know) in connecting with groups while I am traveling for business. Because I proactively make room in my life for gaming when I travel, and because I take the time to get to know people on-line and keep track of where they are geographically, and because I am not too afraid to ask if they want to meet up and game, I have had (made) some wonderful opportunities. Not too long ago I found myself in a game with five other individuals, ALL of whom had published (or were on the cusp of publishing) good games. Why? Because I made the effort. Good stuff, WalkerP.
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Comment by Drohem on October 27, 2009 at 11:13pm - I think that the "Be A Little Brave" advice is spot on! I recently started up in a new group and I had some concerns about the encounters and resource management. I was the new man to the group and I was worried that they would view me as a trouble maker, obnoxious personality, and etc. However, I decided to address the group with my concerns, and it sparked a very good conversation where the GM made some adjustments and rejected some of our suggestions.
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Comment by Richard Rogers on October 28, 2009 at 9:26am -
What I like about the advice above is it is good advice for any hobby.
To speak more specifically about finding RPG play, I think VoIP is a great option. I played Skype-only games for a couple years after moving to Florida before I started talking openly about gaming at work and made enough connections to have my own face-to-face group. I still play over Skype, though.
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Comment by WalkerP on October 28, 2009 at 9:57am
- That's an interesting comment, about the advice being true for any hobby, Richard Rogers. I hadn't really thought of it for other hobbies, because similar issues don't seem to come up in other hobbies. I play recreational basketball, for instance, and when I move to a new town, I just go to a playground or the Y and find a game that's appropriate for my skill level. Bam, done, I'm playing. I don't know, but knittng circles and book clubs and model train enthusiasts, do they have such a hard time finding like-minded people to do their thing with?
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Comment by Scott Rhymer on October 28, 2009 at 2:38pm
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I blogged about this yesterday. The big things that I think stifle finding players is the idea of finding players ...gaming groups live or die by whether you are friends or not. Most gamers we pick up hang around a year or so and fade out; our friends who happen to game stick around. Secondly, don't be shy about gaming. People are always talking about going home to play Grand Theft Auto, I tell people when they ask what I'm doing that night, "It's a gaming geek night..." Sooner or later, someone bites.
I also suggest not just jumping into a game. Sound out new people in a neutral environment. Talk about games and other stuff. See if you connect other than as gamers. It'll also let you weed out the ones you don't want knowing where you live.
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Comment by WalkerP on October 28, 2009 at 3:14pm
- Good advice, Scott. I'm going to take the liberty of throwing a link in to your blog post here, if you don't mind.
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Comment by Pseudoephedrine on October 28, 2009 at 11:15pm -
I have recruited about a dozen people into at least trying games through two simple techniques:
1) Be an ordinary person
2) Talk about your hobby openly
I find most roleplayers possess a reticience, for whatever reason, to mention that they play roleplaying games or to discuss what roleplaying games are with other people in the same way that any other hobbyist would talk about their hobby. By doing so, I can pretty consistently get people who you might not otherwise think as "gamers" to give it a whirl.
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© 2009 Created by Berin Kinsman on Ning. Create Your Own Social Network
* Hygiene. You know who you are.
* Hiding that you're a gamer. You never know when someone will go "oh yeah, I had a great time with that stuff in high school, sure, I'd love to give it another try"
* Etiquette. For some reason some of us don't think that being considerate and pleasant is a priority, and then are puzzled when we have a hard time meeting new people.
* Diversity of interests. Do you want to find a gamer that's not one of your usual crowd? Don't do things that your usual crowd does. Join a bowling league, take a knitting class, volunteer at the local food bank, go out to a concert. (By the way, this will also improve your gaming.)